Attention All Bankers!! Tax liability soiling your pretty new money? Bring it to the Charter School Laundromat. You’re gonna clean up!

That’s right.  Bankers, equity fund managers, greed heads…

You can invest in charter schools and DOUBLE YOUR MONEY IN SEVEN YEARS!  Awesome, huh?

You gotta thank Congress for passing the “New Markets tax credit” back in 2000.  The idea was to give you fashionable financiers and elegant equity fund managers a mongo tax credit when you invest in community projects in underserved areas.   Oh boy!  What a great way to profit from poor people.  All you gotta do is open the door and…

Welcome to the Charter School Laundromat!

Push the button to begin:

Wash cycle:

• Lend money to a charter school in the ‘hood.
• Receive a 39% tax credit over the next seven years.  Ca-ching!
• Collect interest on the money you’re lending. Ca-ching a-ling!

Spin cycle:

• Your PR guy sends out a press release showing everybody how your pretty money is helping the poor children of color. You don’t have to even visit the school. A picture of you is Photoshopped into a shot of the students surrounding you in the school’s hallway.  You achieve your high school dream: you’re finally popular.

Dry cycle:

• No need to separate this New Markets tax credit from the others you’re getting.  Take all your federal tax credits and throw ‘em all in together:  New Markets, job creation, historic preservation, brownfields.  They all clean up quite well together.  And the best part?  There’s no ironing necessary.

Extra Tough Stains?

Got some heavy stains that won’t clean up? Students with learning disabilities? A few emotionally disturbed little ones? A herd of new English language learners?  Yes, you know – the ones who tend to lower your school’s overall achievement scores?  No problem.  Cull them out and pile ’em on the bus to a public school.  Don’t worry; your tax credits will not be affected.

Remember… You are always welcome at the Charter School Laundromat:

Where whites stay bright and colors stay put.

CAUTION:  KEEP OUT OF THE REACH OF CHILDREN.  HARMFUL IF SWALLOWED.

Thanks to Juan Gonzalez of The Daily News for the scoop. (I’ve met him.  He’s a righteous dude. His latest book:  “News For All The People:  The Epic Story of Race and the American Media” by Juan Gonzalez and Joseph Torres)